She is Scouty Rowdy Pumpkin Pie.

Tonight Scout was having trouble falling asleep.  She just couldn’t get comfortable it seemed. I started to sing. I rarely sing to my kids past a certain age, because their ears improve and they start covering my mouth or looking at me with the “what noise is this?” face.  Right when I started singing tonight, though, I felt her body relax.  It took me back. Back to the first days I met Scout in the NICU.  I met her when she was 2 days old.  We met two days after she was rushed away from me without a glance, after being born not breathing, white, and limp. “You had another girl” I think someone said. But who is she? I thought.

It is a weird thing to wonder, about your own baby. We didn’t know the sexes of our twins before they were born. We have a video of Sailor being born. An amazing, awe-inspiring video of her birth in the tub and our reactions to finding out she was a girl. Shock! Pure joy! The second revelation, just 30 minutes later, couldn’t have differed more.  Things can change so quickly. Life can change so quickly.

I guess that is what I’ve learned this past year. On October 9^th, the babies and I were hit in our minivan by an (assumed) drunk driver and slammed into a pole.  I didn’t see the car coming, just felt all of the impact. Side airbags punching me, front airbags punching me, glasses breaking on my face, flying then stillness.  I heard screaming from the backseat, but only from Scout, who was on the opposite side of the car.  Sailor and I were on the side that was hit, and she was silent behind me. As I pieced together the realization that we had crashed and I climbed thru the airbags to get out, it occurred to me what this moment could be. This could be the moment that my life is destroyed. I may open the door behind me and my baby may not be alive anymore.  In that one second it took her to hit us, everything could be obliterated. Life over. Everything we need to survive and carry on, ripped away. I couldn’t prevent it, I couldn’t control it. I did nothing wrong and still the worst could happen.

The next night my 6 year old, Boston, asked me to lay with him. I laid with him all night. All I kept thinking was that if I lost a child, nothing would have ever been enough. “I didn’t lay with them enough” “I didn’t kiss them enough” “I didn’t listen to them enough”. I know this. Even if I had laid with them every second of their entire life, it would not have been enough. I cannot imagine the grief of never laying with them again. I won’t pretend to know an iota of the grief of parents who have lost a child.  I just know it is impossible.

When I first met Scout, she was two days old. We left the hospital with Sailor and went straight to Children’s Hospital for me to meet Scout. Flip had been already, as had my dad, mom, sisters, Flip’s sisters, and maybe some others. I won’t lie that it crushed me to know my voice wasn’t the first she heard. My finger wasn’t the first she clutched. But I also wanted her to be surrounded by love, so I was glad people that loved her visited her while I was still in the hospital.

The experience was so strange. NICUs have lots of rules. There is a doorbell to ring, wait for response, and let them know who you are and who you are there to see. They have very specific hand washing instructions. Flip talked me through it. Here I am, not recovered from my own all-natural (double) childbirth, hormones got me all over the place, wearing the usual new mommy uniform of husband’s sweatpants and nursing top.  I very much felt like I should not be in public. The nice lady in the elevator asking when I was due probably didn’t help. I should be at home, in bed, nursing my babies.  This was all wrong! I walked into Scout’s room and she was alone in her incubator.  This wasn’t the plan for her first days of life! Cuddles and milk. Cuddles and milk. I had it all in my head! Instead, Scout needed to be “cooled” to prevent brain damage. That meant we could touch her but only on her hands and not very much, to avoid her body warming up. It meant she was on morphine and her face was very swollen, so we couldn’t even tell what she looked like. Here was my baby. But who is she?

I needed to let her know I was there. It is easy for a mom and baby to bond when they can cuddle and touch. We didn’t have that, so I sang. I’m a terrible singer, and it was quite embarrassing as the room was quiet and nurses were in and out. But, I noticed them kind of noticing. They would be very quiet, and kind of smile then scanter away. They gave us our moments. In these moments Scout would look at me and her eyes stole my heart. They radiated love. I don’t have words to describe how lovingly she looked at me.

I still think about her spending her nights alone in the NICU. I’m thankful she was by the window and could look out onto the city. I just feel such guilt that she was alone. Mommy should have been cuddling her. I wanted to, but I also had another baby who needed to nurse hourly, and was not allowed in the NICU. The day we found out that Scout did not have brain damage from her hypoxia was very strange. We walked in while the neurologist was conducting rounds with his students. So, instead of him telling us, we observed him asking his students questions about her MRI images. We introduced ourselves and he asked “is this the first time you’ve come here?” I think Flip held me back. NO MOTHER****** we have been here everyday, sometimes multiple times a day while also taking care of another newborn, nursing AND pumping for Scout, and raising two other children as well! Maybe he hit a nerve? 

Scout’s eyes still radiate love. She still captures my heart every single time she smiles. When I sang to her tonight, I felt more at peace than I have since our car accident. Yes, the world is scary and bad things can happen in an instant.  But sometimes, those things have silver linings. I finally have a child who is comforted by my terrible singing voice.  WINNING.

Scout's first day at Children's 

Scout's first day home 

Scout today

To my mom

Mom,

This last year has been the wildest of my life (and maybe yours?). 

When we moved and were without a home for a few months, you were there offering us your home.

When I was nearing the difficult end of my twin pregnancy, you were there helping with Boston and Luna.

When I underwent a difficult natural labor and delivery of Sailor, you were there, waiting.

When they couldn't find Scout's heartbeat and it became a race to get her born, you were there, holding Sailor.

When Scout was born, not breathing and limp, you were there, scared.

When I was recovering with only one of my babies in my arms, you were there, taking Boston and Luna to school, visiting Scout, adoring Sailor.

When the day came that we could take Scout home, you were there, crying happy tears.

When I had to get my appendix removed while also breastfeeding 4 month old twins, you were there, taking care of us all.

This year more than ever, I am so thankful and lucky to have you! Whatever is happening in our lives, you are there. Love you so much Mom!! 

Sailor and Scout's birth story

December 1, 2015 was the hardest day of my life. It had the greatest highs and lowest lows all in one.

On Monday at my 37-week midwife appointment, Tisha swept my membranes and felt my cervix grow from 3cm dilated to 5cm and paper-thin. I went to bed that night at 10 and woke again at 12- having consistent contractions. Waited a bit and woke Flip to say, “I think its time” to which he said “time for what?” I let him catch up then texted my mom (to come back from hotel) and doula, Amanda, to come over. Once they got there we hung around for a bit while my contractions grew.

Around 3 or 4am I decided we should head to the hospital. Mom stayed to be with the sleeping kids. Flip and I got lost finding labor and delivery and security gave Amanda trouble! While checking in the desk nurse asked me "are you getting induced or c section?"  "I'm in labor!" "Oh you're so calm..." Must be the childbirth hypnosis I practiced haha. We eventually all made it and Tisha took us to the big room with the tub.

Tisha checked me and I was so disappointed to hear that I was still 5cm! I really thought I would be 10 considering the pain and how long id been contracting. When I had Luna I was 10cm when I got to the hospital. I got in the tub for a while which felt good but didn't help much with progression. The first nurse I had was Bridget, who was a nurse I had in Slidell when having Luna! She is pregnant and also does hypnobabies. Once her shift ended at 7 am, I got Lanette and her trainee Madeline. Poor girls had to check heart tones on the babies every 30 minutes and the positions I was in did not help them, but they were very sweet and understanding.

I eventually got out of the tub and on to the bed to listen to some hypno. The nurse checked me and I was only 7cm. This was already my longest, hardest labor and it seemed there was no end in sight. After awhile I took out my ear buds and told flip and Amanda I needed help. I wanted an epidural.

Both of them reassured me I was doing it, the end was in sight, etc. Amanda clearly had experience because she was skillfully changing my words when the nurse would come in.  I’d say I wanted an epidural but somehow when the nurse would appear Amanda would turn it into “she is doing so beautifully! She just wants to know that she’s progressing”.  I was serious though. I couldn't take any more. They convinced me to get back in the tub and called Tisha. She came in and checked me again (no progress) and broke my water in the tub. Even Dr. Lapeyrolerie (the back up doctor who had to be present for the twin birth) came in and told me I was about to be done and didn't need anesthesia. It was around this time that my mom arrived at the hospital after taking the kids to school. The nurse came in to tell us she was here but I was in such a bad place mentally I couldn't let her come in. I knew I'd beg her for help.

Once my water was broken things picked up and I had several contractions where I felt the need to push. I had wanted a water birth but it was not allowed with twins because they need to monitor baby B immediately after A comes out. At this point I was so exhausted and really done, though, and decided the only way out was through. Without telling anyone what I was doing, I let myself push. Only Flip and Amanda were in the room (no medical professionals). I wasn’t speaking to them at this point because I was so over it. I pooped a little and Amanda went to call a nurse for a fish net to get it out of the tub. By the time she was back baby A was crowning and she called again screaming. I felt like I was also screaming, but when I watch the video Amanda caught last minute, I wasn’t.  Maybe that was when I put my head underwater! Flip was cheering me on, ready to catch the baby. As the head was halfway out I told him to just pull it out! He couldn't so somehow I pushed it the rest of the way and by this time Tisha had run over from her patient across the hall. My unplanned unapproved water birth was her first bare hands baby catch! Flip was a bit disappointed he didn’t get to do the catching.

Tisha handed the baby to me and put a towel over us. I asked what it was and nobody knew so I checked and was shocked and thrilled to see it was a GIRL! I was convinced we were having two boys, but wanted at least one girl. A perfect little girl born in the water, our Sailor. My very next thought was "go get my mom!" So Amanda did. My mom came in thinking I had already had both twins. When she saw the look on my face though she knew.

I was quite shaky after Sailor was born and dreading having to do it again. They checked baby b's heart rate (good) and position (head down!) on the ultrasound machine while I was still in the tub. We all cheered to find her stats good to proceed with another natural birth. We were all on a bit of a high from the surprise and excitement of Sailor’s fast water birth. Dr. Lap joked, "How's that epidural treating you? Well you got your water birth!" I had no tears and that was by far my easiest pushing experience.

Sailor's cord seemed to pulse forever. I wasn't contracting again right away so Dr. Lap went to reschedule her patients across the street. Once they cut Sailor's cord they looked again for baby b's heart rate and struggled to find it in the water. They said I needed to get out. In tons of pain and just then starting to have contractions again, I was moving slowly. They rushed me and got me to the bed, where I wanted to lean for a contraction. The stern side of Tisha came out and she said “I need you on the bed now”. They laid me down and used the ultrasound to find the heart. I guess they could not find it because all hell broke loose. Calm, gentle Tisha was yelling "I need Lap NOW! Baby b is down!!" And a cord was pulled which sent probably 15 different medical professionals into the room and into action.

All of the sudden I am given oxygen (by Amanda- who used to be a labor and delivery nurse) and told to start pushing NOW. Lap runs in and immediately has her hands inside me, which is when she feels the cord below baby b's head. Prolapsed cord means when I contract, baby's head pushes against the cord and keeps oxygen from reaching baby. I am pushing while Lap is trying to push the cord away from the head. I can tell we need the baby out now. She talks me thru what she's doing, with phrases like "I'm sorry this is going to be super painful". At one point she says “she JUST had a baby why is this so hard?” After a few pushes and the help of forceps, which Dr. Lap is known for being very conservative with yet skilled at, we get her out.

They take her to the warmer, telling me it's another girl. Now Dr. Lap starts sewing me up. I have a second-degree midline tear and some labial tears from the very brutal delivery. I'm pretty out of it and shaky. They tell me they're taking baby b to the NICU and Flip goes with. I saw she was on oxygen which I know isn't ideal but I really thought that would be the worst of it. Mom and I were texting flip to send us pictures of her from the NICU, with no response.

Once the NICU Doctor comes back with Flip I can tell its worse than I thought. She starts explaining that the baby was without oxygen for an unknown amount of time, was born unawake and although her lungs and heart are perfect her brain is not telling her lungs to breathe because of the trauma it went thru. She is on a ventilator, and showing seizure activity (eye and chin flutters and hand motions). They are worried about something called HIE. I'm not googling it, I'll take my info from her doctors. But I know the last word is encephaly and that's not a good one. The best thing they can do to help is to cool her body temperature to 93 degrees within 6 hours of her birth to try and reverse or stop the brain damage. We sign off for her to be taken by ambulance to Children's Hospital. She is being cooled for 3 days, warmed back up for one, and then we may know more about where she stands. We won't know everything though; as with developmental stuff we will kind of see as she grows.

They brought her to my room in a completely enclosed plastic bassinet before transporting her. This was my first time seeing her. I held Sailor up next to her for their first and only “just born” twins pic. Once she arrived at children's they called and let me know she was breathing on her own, though still hooked up to the ventilator for extra help. They also said she had no more seizures after getting the seizure meds. Flip went and visited her and said she was making some small movements and he got to touch her.

The time before Sailor and I were discharged was full of happy cuddles and worried, sad, confused tears. They took newborn pictures of Sailor and I just cried the whole time… I can’t buy pictures of one twin while the other is all alone across town. They should be getting pictures together! We know things could be worse and we could not have Scout with us at all. She has hope of getting thru this without a trace of issues. And if she doesn't, well what is normal anyway? Our job is to give her love and a great life and nothing changes that.

I am so thankful for the staff at the hospital. Tisha, Dr. Lap, my doula Amanda, all the nurses for me and the baby, the NICU team and the team from Children's who came to get our baby and have kept in touch with her progress. They seriously all have been so wonderful! Lanette and Madeline cried when they passed me on to the recovery nurse. Tisha cried when she came to have a long chat about everything. Dr. Lap isn't the crying type but she too took her time talking us through what had happened. It feels personal for every one involved and that is a good feeling. I am so thankful for Flip who was so strong for me during the birth, such a cheerleading during delivery, and the best protective daddy for Scout, making sure to be with her every step he can.

It was hard having one twin with us and the other away. It crushes me how different their first days on earth were. But I can't let myself dwell on the things I can't control. The good thing is that we have known from early on in the pregnancy that Scout aka baby B is super feisty and a fighter. She definitely lived up to that. During the cooling Scout would open her eyes and grab fingers.  I got to meet her for the first time on December 3^rd. It is hard to believe I didn’t get to touch my baby until the 3^rd day of her life. Her amazing nurse, Liz, said when I came to visit she reacted so strongly. You could see her little lips sucking and she would look right at me, grab my finger.

On December 4, her cooling period was over and they started the slow warming process. We visited her everyday, some days more than once. The first time I got to hold her was December 5^th, her 5^th day of life. It was the best feeling in the world and heartbreaking because I had to put her back in her bassinet and leave her there afterwards. Her MRI was extremely positive. It showed just one small spot of hemorrhage, which they said should be nothing to worry about. We just have to keep an eye on her motor skill development and see if she needs extra help at any point. She will remain on the a small dose of the anti-seizure medication until she is 6 months as a precaution.

On December 10 I finally got to breastfeed Scout. I was pumping milk for her the whole time, but this was what I was looking forward to! She latched on like a champ and my heart nearly burst with pride. This was when I knew she was ok, and that I needed to push a little harder to get her home with us (at the recommendation of her pediatrician). My pushing was successful (and I think the Dr. felt bad when I was coming in to nurse multiple times a day while also nursing Sailor- who was not allowed in the NICU).  On Saturday, December 12 we got to take Scout home.

I can’t thank enough all of our friends and family who have come forward to help out- bringing meals, cooking, running errands, going to the hospital to sit in the waiting room with Sailor while we visit Scout, visiting Scout themselves, taking Boston and Luna for playdates, giving rides to school, etc. I don’t know what we would have done without my mom and Marnie staying here for weeks on end and waiting on us hand and foot. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to repay them!

It has been amazing having Scout back with her sister. I’m pretty sure I’ll never sleep again but who needs it?

Scout on way to Children's

Scout first day of cooling

Boston and Luna meet Sailor

Scout during cooling

Sailor ready to leave the hospital

First time held by Mama

Scout

Sailor

Reunited!

Cudds :)

Sailor Juana Lopez 11:59am 5 lbs 8 oz 19 inches

Scout Maria Lopez 12:35 am 5 lbs 9 oz 19.75 inches

<3

I guess it was the bird who flew straight into our window this morning that started my day off thinking of loss. It was sad seeing him make his last attempts to fly away and then stop moving altogether. Before that I had been feeling mildly bummed that Flip would be working today. Thinking how my Mother's Day could be better turned to thinking how it could be so much worse. 

I'm sending love to all those celebrating today with a piece of their heart missing. I am sharing a quote I read recently that couldn't be more true for the people I have the honor to be friends with. 

3

3 years ago was one of the most emotional days of my life. After a difficult birth, we met our first baby. He was so tiny at 5 lbs 6 oz but breastfed like a champ and by 2 weeks old had gained over 2 pounds! A midwife told me I would only have c sections after Boston's birth, but 2 years later I had Luna (who was a pound and half bigger than Boston) naturally.
To say being Boston's mom has changed me would be an understatement. I have learned to trust my instincts over what others tell me, but also to know when I need to ask for help or guidance and not to be ashamed to do so.
I love being Boston's mom because he has more personality than anyone I know. He embraces all of his emotions and I think that's the only way to live life. And, he is so darn funny. I'm blessed to get to hang out with him every day.

Luna's Birth Story

I never wrote Boston's birth story.  I was so happy to have my son, but the experience was traumatic and not something I felt I wanted to relive. Because of his birth, I knew for the next one I wanted something different. Now that I have had that, I feel more able to talk about and remember his birth. In short, with Boston I labored naturally until I was 8 cm dilated before I got an epidural. After that I was told he was stuck on my tailbone and would probably need a c section. They agreed to try vacuum extraction first and on the last vacuum attempt he was finally born (episiotomy aided). After that I was told I'd have c sections because he was only 5 lbs 6 oz and it was such a difficult delivery.
After doing some research, I became convinced the reason his birth became difficult was because I started the slippery slope of interventions with the epidural.  When they told me to push with Boston (about 10 minutes after they started the epidural) I was completely numb... with no urge to push.

Fast forward almost 2 years. When we found out we were expecting again, I decided to prepare as much as I could to have the birth I wanted. I knew there was still a chance it would end in a c-section, but I had to know that I tried. I did a lot of reading (Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth is a fave) and began the Hypnobabies home study course.  Hypnobabies is hypnosis for childbirth. You listen to tracks each day that hope to rewire your subconscious into believing childbirth is not this horrible, painful thing our society paints it as. There is also reading and daily affirmations. The course is pretty intensive, but I was dedicated to giving it my best shot and had heard great things/ watched amazing hypnbabies birth videos.

Alright, on to Luna's birth. My little sister, Hayley, had come to visit on July 3rd. I thought baby would come that day, too, because it was a full moon. No such luck. In fact, I had about four different "pre" labor scares with intense, regular contractions that would just stop. I'll admit, I REALLY thought I was in labor on July 9 when Hayley, my sister in law Nina, and my niece Ashley went to see Magic Mike. Must have been a little too exciting! Hayley and I spent the first week and a half of her visit waiting and trying to entice baby out. We ate spicy food and took constant walks. Finally on Thursday, July 12, I was disheartened. My doctor, Dr. Landry, was leaving town the next day and would be gone until July 17 (my due date). I couldn't believe baby hadn't arrived yet. I always figured she'd be early.  I loved Dr. Landry and really felt that he would be able to help me have the birth I dreamed of.  Without him, we would be subject to the Dr. on call, which could be the Dr. we ditched for Dr. Landry (awkward and obviously I didn't want her delivering the baby-hence the switch!).   We went to IHOP for breakfast, as we had done a lot during the month. Hayley, Boston and I went for a walk and got back around 8:20pm, when the contractions started again. I wasn't going to get my hopes up, though, because I had done that too many times already. I put Boston to bed at 9:30 and bounced a little on the birth ball and filled up the bath. I was pretty sure it was the real thing so Hayley called Flip to come home from work at 10:00, an hour before he gets off. He said "this is it? Let's do this!" I texted my doula, Ashley, to tell her I was pretty sure I was in labor. She responded that she had just given birth to her son. GREAT- so now my doctor and doula would not be attending my birth. Everything I had planned to have the birth experience I wanted was falling apart! Ashley said the back-up doula, Kristian, was with her and could come to my house if I needed her. I told her to send Kristian.

Flip got home at 11 and I got into the tub. The contractions started becoming more intense and long (a minute 15 seconds) but not closer together. Kristian arrived around 12:30 and we decided I should get out of the tub. I remember worrying that i was not really in labor and would feel bad for calling Kristian. I told them i needed to poop but Kristian said that was the baby moving down. She wouldn't let me sit on the toilet and push so i was convinced i would poop later in labor (i didnt). The water helped but it wasn't deep enough and I didn't like how I had to have my legs folded under me during contractions. Kristian learned quickly that I liked everyone to be quiet during contractions and we could all chat in between. She had never attended a hypnobabies birth (me neither!) but during a contraction you kind of turn your entire body "off" and go limp so you aren't fighting what your body is trying to do (have a baby!).

Once I got out I realized quickly I needed to be on the floor so I could go limp during contractions, no standing or sitting positions would work because they'd require some muscles to be "on".  I started having contractions while on my knees with my arms and head on the birth ball.  I was having a ton of back pressure so Kristian started doing hip squeezes- she would put her palms on my hips and push them together as hard as she could.  She taught Flip and they began switching off. It helped so much. When a contraction would start and someone hadn't begun a hip squeeze I would get really scared. I needed that for every contraction! I remember saying i was so scared. I wasn't feeling all of the pain because of hypnobabies but i knew the pain was there. Does that make sense? I knew if i didn't use my tools it would be too much. I felt at one point that I was going through transition because I felt like I couldn't do it anymore.  Flip told me "you already are doing it" and I knew it was true. I had read so much that I knew the fact that I felt like giving up meant it was almost over. So I said we should go to the hospital. I didn't want Hayley to miss out on the birth so Flip called his sister, Nelly, to come watch Boston. Hayley asked if she should text or call anyone (we had told friends and family we would let them know) but i said no. I was too in the zone to even think of all of the people i wanted to inform. Nelly arrived at 2:00am and we left in my car. I was in the backseat between the bucket seats with Kristian next to me, Flip drove and Hayley was in front. I had a few contractions in the car- not as bad as I'd read about- but I did have Kristian doing hip squeezes and my hypnobabies track playing. I said "she's coming out" and Kristian said "no she's not". She later told me she believed me, but was trying to convince me not to push. Flip and Hayley later told me the moon (la luna) was big and beautiful on the drive.

Once at the hospital I had a contraction in the hallway, one on the elevator, and one in the labor and delivery waiting room. They were getting really close together. Each one I stopped, got on my knees and laid over the birthing ball. Hayley parked the car and ran in- telling the ER nurse "my sister is pregnant! I mean, she's in labor!" We checked in at Slidell Memorial Hospital at 2:27am and were put in delivery room 1. It was a big room and I was able to walk in and stay in my clothes while they put the portable monitors on me. Our nurses were Brandi and Justine. They were both great and I especially liked Brandi.  I was on the floor having a contraction when we all heard a "pop!". The nurse said "there goes your water!" all over Flip's shoes. He was so excited, he had wanted my water to break in a dramatic way the whole pregnancy (weird?).  Brandi immediately said "I need you on the bed NOW" because after my water broke baby's heart rate dropped and she thought she may be coming out on the floor.  I jumped on the bed and she went to check me for the first time. It took her a little bit and she was looking at me kind of confused then said "You are complete (10 cm). We are about to have a baby! We need another table and call the Doctor now!" Someone came in and told me "Dr. Landry will be here in 6 minutes". Flip and I looked at each other thinking "did they really say Dr. Landry!?" I figured since his vacation started Friday, he was out of contact starting Thursday at 5 pm (it was now after 2 am on Friday morning).  Hayley asked Flip if he was really coming and she started crying she was so happy.

He really did get there in 6 minutes. He said I could start pushing whenever I felt like it. I didn't feel much of an urge but I DID feel the urge for the contractions to be over and I knew the only way this would end was if I got baby out. I tried pushing on my hands and knees. I had read this would help my curved tailbone be out of the way for baby to come out. However, the pushes were not productive. I didn't feel that resistance or anything to push against. At some point they put an oxygen mask on me. I didn't know why but nobody seemed worried. I laid down on my side and tried to push that way, which was more productive. They could see her hair every time I pushed, but she still kept going back in. Dr. Landry was honest with me and said there is a reason she isn't coming down, she is stuck and he was worried about her shoulders considering she was so much bigger than Boston. He said as long and me and baby are doing ok he will let me keep trying, but that she just may not come this way (which I knew meant we may end up with a c section).  I asked him for more ideas. He said he would like to see me try laying on my back, but with my body curved up around the baby and holding my legs back. Kind of like a squat position but with my butt on the bed. He then had me hold the inside of my thighs to open my pelvis completely. It was with these pushes that her head started coming down and stayed down.  They brought the mirror over so I could see all of her hair. It took about 5 contractions but she was finally coming out and Dr. Landry said "Stop! If you push her head out all at once you'll tear badly." He started massaging and using lotions to stretch me while I could see her head halfway out. This made me freak out a little. All I wanted at this point was her out of me and I could feel her just sitting there! The nurses and Dr. Landry were so good at making eye contact with me to calm me down. I'm so grateful that he did this, while most Dr.s would have given me an episiotomy at that point. He finally said I could push her head the rest of the way out (hello, ring of fire!), then pushed more for her shoulders and at 3:54am on Friday the 13th of July she was here! 6 lbs 14 oz and 18.5 inches long (I found out later).

They handed her straight to me for skin to skin and she was hollering! I kept telling her to stop crying but the nurses said it is good so she gets fluid out of her lungs. She was SO beautiful and perfect already. I couldn't believe it. I REALLY couldn't believe that I had done it all without any medical interventions! It actually took me a few days to realize that I had. There wasn't even time for an iv or heplock. I wasn't even checked in at the hospital yet when she was born!

At this point, I was still in a lot of pain which I didn't expect. The after pains and the nurses pushing on my uterus were not comfy. I had torn in 4 places (small ones thanks to Dr.) and the stitches were painful even with the lidocaine shots. I was shaking and waiting for that "high" I had read about in other natural birth stories. It did come.. just a little later for me :) The nurse gave me a shot in my leg to stop the bleeding (not pitocin). We called Marnie in Africa to tell her first, and sent my parents a picture of Luna and me. Nobody even knew we were in labor! There just wasn't time, it all happened so quickly. Once I knew I was in labor for sure, I was already in transition and felt the baby "coming out".

I had read a lot of stories where moms said the pushing was a relief and the easiest part of labor. This was not true for me. It was the most painful and hardest for me, but that makes sense just because of the size of my baby and my anatomy. I had hoped she would just slide on out :) I was still able to keep it together and not be that screaming mother you hear about. Even with these two things being different than I had hoped- I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. I think everything lined up perfectly to give us the birth we needed. I couldn't be happier that all of my preparation paid off! And Luna truly is perfect.

My new hobby!! Oh and some news

I know it's been awhile, but we have been busy. In may/June we moved from Davenport, IA to Slidell, LA and our new house which we love. I need to take some pictures of the outside and inside... It is 4 years old and perfect for us- 3 bedrooms 2 baths. The extra room was originally a guest room but this summer it will gain a permanent tenant, our new baby. We are expecting another surprise due July 17. We also got married October 22 and went on a 9 day honeymoon while Marnie stayed with Boston.
The new house and new pregnancy have inspired a lot of creativity in Flip and I. He built us an entertainment center and a book shelf for Boston's room, among other things.
Marnie and Matt got me a sewing machine for Christmas and I have taught myself to sew and quilt. My quilting is a work in progress but I have made curtains for Boston's room, a baby blanket and a swaddling blanket. I have a lot of other projects in the works for the baby's room and gifts. Anyway I'll include some project pics!